I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Randomize