I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
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