I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
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