She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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