I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
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