just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
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