When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
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