You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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