Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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