Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
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