New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
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