u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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