I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
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you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
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Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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