the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
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