Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
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