i was born a porn star she said
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
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