i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
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