My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
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