You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
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The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
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Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
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