Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
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one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
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They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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