New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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