Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
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Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
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