Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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