question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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