So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize