Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
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