It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
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