We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Randomize