I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
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