In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
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