sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize