Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
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