Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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