We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
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Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
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How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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