So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
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the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
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And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
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