Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
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