If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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