when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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