Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize