I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
That accounts for only three of the penises
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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