I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
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