Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
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