we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize