too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
You were trust falling into bushes
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
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