I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
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I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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