I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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