can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
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