We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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