i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
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