I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
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I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
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After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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