She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
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Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
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I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
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