Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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